you are most influenced by the five people you spend the most time with.
this is more accurate than the common claim that you’re “the average” of those five people. let’s break it down.
recall that influence = value ÷ distance².
now consider that:
Time is a limited commodity, . . . the time we give to one friend is time that cannot be given to another. . . . We devote about 40 per cent of our total social time to the five people in the innermost layer, and a further 20 per cent to the 10 people that make up the rest of the next layer, the 15-layer. That is, 60 per cent of our total social effort is devoted to just 15 people. The remaining 135 people have to make do with what’s left over, getting less than a third of a per cent of our time each. That’s about half a minute a day.
Robin Dunbar, Friends
in other words, time spent = relationship intensity.
and intensity = closeness = lower distance = more influence.
so what happens when your five closest people are intellectually bankrupt?
scenario 1: surrounded by low-value friends
“if your friends are a bunch of brainless dildos who don’t read, think, discuss, or do anything, then either water has found its own level (which means you are one of them), or they are going to drag you down to the depths of their idiocy.”
Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller, Mate
- your value = 5 (average)
- their value = 3 (low)
- their distance = 5 Db (5 layer, support clique)
F_I = G_I e^a_1 e^a_2 / s^2 = 0.001135 e^5 e^3 / 5^2 = 0.135 Ch each
multiply by 5 to get their influence on you = 0.675 Ch
scenario 2: you meet smarter people, but keep them distant
“if you want to get smarter, you need to meet, befriend, and converse and engage with people who are smart. This applies to all facets of intelligence.”
Tucker Max, Geoffrey Miller, Mate
- their value = 8 (high)
- their distance = 50 Db (50 layer, affinity group)
F_I = 0.001135 e^5 e^8 / 50^2 = 0.201 Ch each
multiply by 5 = 1.005 Ch
result: your new smart friends aren’t much more influential than your brainless dildo friends—because they’re too far away.
scenario 3: flip it—pull the smart ones closer, push the others further out
- smart friend value = 8 (high)
- their distance = 5 Db (5 layer, support clique)
F_I = 0.001135 e^5 e^8 / 5^2 = 20.0856 Ch each
multiply by 5 = 100.428 Ch
- brainless dildo friend value = 3 (low)
- their distance = 50 Db (50 layer, affinity group)
F_I = 0.001135 e^5 e^3 / 50^2 = 0.00135 Ch each
multiply by 5 = 0.00675 Ch
now your high-value friends have nearly 15000 times more influence than the ones holding you back.
you don’t have to cut people out of your life.
just manage the distance.
pull the right people closer.
give less attention to those dragging you down.
let the math do the rest.
that’s how influence works.
that’s anthroponautics.
Colin
p.s. last chance to schedule my calendar: https://www.anthroponautics.com/time-with-Colin
p.p.s. i won't be available for a couple months after this next week.